| lyrix symbiotik |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|04:37 am] |
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our minds chaotic
were symbiotik
hipnotic
idiotic
neurotic
psychotic
knowledge
logic
fistfuck
your parents hit you for a reason.
livejournal is gay |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|02:20 pm] |
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so i think im getting a job soon. im thinking of going to school for microbiology. itsv the only thing besides music that im remotely interested in. so i might end up being a scientist or a genetic enginerr..mwaa who woulda thought. i think i might just do something with my life instead of living off of others and playing video games all day. 
ANYWAY. two more remixes added to my list. so its a grand total of....
~Absynthe
~Pasada Futuro
~Unter Null
~Static-X
~NIN
~worms of the earth
~Vexation [Node]
so yeah im trying to get crackin on them as soon as i can. but my computer is a peice of fuckking SHIT. and i need to copy all my old files that i NEED before i can reboot it. im gonna buy a whole new one sooner or later.
i got to see shannon last night, i had a margarita hahhahah it was good. and then we went and watched king kong, but only the part with the dinosaurs. cuzv theyre awesome. then we came home and sh0ck got out of her cage!!!
but then we found him and we fed him a salad. then he whipped us with his tail. hes so cute. [ btw sh0ck is my iguana ]
well yeah.... fusion / vesago tonight. photoshoot tommorow, V iktim tommorow... oh oh oh!!! by the way.. VIKTIM TOMMOROW!
Viktim
January, 7 2006
at Abilene
420 South Street,
Philadelphia, PA 19019
Cost: 5.00
VIKTIMs set time is at 12 MIDNITE!
We are last band on!!!
21 over to enter
MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE DOOR GUY YOU CAME TO SEE VIKTIM
Bands performing:
VIKTIM
Blue Collar
Kadee Transient
Please make sure you tell the door guy you came to see VIKTIM,
we wanna play this place again! See ya then!
January 7th 2006 Abilene South Street,
PHILADELPHIA
www.abilenephilly.com
www.myspace.com/viktim
www.viktim.net
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| Obsession. |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|04:42 pm] |
finnally, i can talk shit on someone else about obsession.
whoever the fuckk you are, you just need to grow up, get over it and stop commenting my LJ posting pictures and shit.
and if your going to do it, dont do it anonymously.
your the one with the obsession.
why should it bother me?
you need to get over it
i have.
stop trying to taunt me with your bullshit
because it isnt working. |
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| Self Realization [true story] |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|08:54 am] |
A boy, slowly perishing.. decaying, a stray from the rest of society
He lies in an empty room with falling walls and peeling ceilings.
unable to move, constricted by constraining cables, invisible buckles, chains,
and straightened straps. ALL of which are known as denial.
A boy, unable to move, or just unwilling to?
The boy shuts his eyes, yet again, all is dark.
not much different with his eyes open either...
there is nothing in this boys room, nothing to be felt, tasted,
smelled or seen, just noizes.
Noizes, plain and sumple, yet so complicating if put into the wrong/right hands.
"Noize has consumed me", the boy whispers....
These sounds, there noizes, come together in a fusion, only in a fashion suitable to the boy
and no one else. this room is empty. this noize is just for me
The sounds accumulate, new noizes, are created, and born into life through the boys emotion
These noizes become song.. this song becomes music
Emotion fuels these evergoing sounds, the melody matches his mood, the basskick,
matching his heartbeat, heavy, steady, and skips every 8th measure...
a sound assigned to each and every part of him. this song created, it equals
all the nothing that everyone wants to know....
this song is his life.
then suddenly the song disapears, all the effort, and pain induced into this life song...
is gone.
All is silent...
his ears rapidly begin to bleed.
his eyes open.
directly above the boy is a reflection in the ceiling.. just a distorted glimpse of himself
this image the boy sees is smashing towards him, yet it is held back by an unbreakable barrier
This image, is carnage..
the boy forces his eyes shut, denying what he's just seen, and trys to find his song,
still hearing the carnage rampage. the carnage slowly gets closer to the boy with every sound it makes.
Fighting to hear his OWN noizes and sounds, the boy trys to drain out the sound of the distraction
the boy peeks his eye open again.
only to see the creature getting closer to him. and the more recognizable the carnage was.
the boy realizes, it is just a reflection, only this version..., this carnage has been distorted by love.
"how could something as great as love, breed such a monster?", the boy wonders
the creature shreiks out a noize, most unheavenly and bloodcurdling. never before heard by any human.
The boy squeezes his eye shut again, and forces his song to continue,
now using this unheavenly shreik as his own noize.
The music comes together
scratchy sounds, noizes distorted, the beats match up, the tempo rises, as does the boys pulse
the bass is louder than ever, his ears begin to bleed more.
and that VOICE now completeing the song
I Open my eyes, and the carnage and I are face to face. my carnage stares into my eyes.
and i stare into his, one a flourescent green, the other, a pale grey, with one last attempt, the carnage
smashes its fist towards me, but still not breaking this barrier.
the carnage stops, unbawls its fists, and it hears my song.
croutched over me, it doesnt move... just listens.
our eyes glare into eachothers, i fight to keep my eyes open and show him my song.
a tear struggles out of the carnages eye.
trickles down its nose.
i see love in this carnage.
and to my suprise, my OWN eyes are the ones which are filled with hatred.
the tear drips down the carnage's face, and falls towards me.
slowly passing through the air, shattering the barrier. and the carnage cried for me.
it's tear dripped into my eye...
after the barrier was broken, i reached up, and grasped the carnage by the throat.
i strangled the carnage. i killed it.
those fuckking tears. for me? the pure image of love distorted, . i fuckking killed it.
for love is rarely obtained. and when it is it should never be distorted.
and as i choked the last breath from the carnages body,
thats when i realized
i am my own parasite
i still dont know HOW the carnage heard my noize,
but i made it cry.
if only i could show the world my noize.
if only you could plug into my veins and press record....
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| Psychoacousticians......... |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|06:29 pm] |
All "music" released by the Recording Industry has been riddled with cerebrosonic mind control ever since the Industry's inception. It's no wonder then that paranoids have been musically disadvantaged in recent decades, since finding underground, trusted sources of mind-control-free recorded music was often difficult.
Then the 1990s brought with it the promise of being able to find those sources with ease. The internet allowed the free exchange of music, with digital signatures based on advanced cryptographic technology used to ensure a network of trust from artists to their fans. Today, this is all taken for granted, however there is a dangerous flaw in this trust network: The music encoder.
Say you have a raw digital recording of mind-control-free music that you are going to distribute on the Internet. To save on bandwidth, you wish to compress it as much as possible while maintaining quality, so you unthinkingly use a common compression solution such as MP3, AAC, or WMA to encode the music for distribution. But, how can you trust the encoder not to add cerebrosonic mind control to the resulting file? You can't. And since the "lossy" compression significantly reinterprets the recording, there's no easy way to verify that the resulting file matches the original in memetic content.
The technology in all these high compression formats is based on a scientific field called "psychoacoustics," which studies how the brain perceives and interprets sound, and specifically what sounds people can't consciously detect. I mean... come on, do you really trust your brain to people calling themselves psychoacousticians?
Don't just HEAR the music.... LISTEN to it. Do you really like what you hear on the radio?!? or do you just feel like you should?
People like me, people like us, we see past it all. Can you?
in 9th grade, i got sucked into the who gangster phase. and a few friends snapped me back into reality. how can drugs and songs a bout murder make someone famous?? because of the mind control..
and its all introduced through the radios, on the way to school, everywhere kids are manipulated by this mainstream music at an early age. before they know any better to think for themselves.
if you took a man about 25 years old, who had never listened to muci before and had him listen to different types of musuc, ranging from mainstream radio, to underground music no ones heard before...
im sure he would choose the underground music instead of the mainstream. because if hes introduced to the music at age 25, instead of age 12, hes got more reasoning and hes going to hear this music about murder and guns and smackin hoes, and hes going to think what the fuckk is this shit???
boycott the radio. fuckk the mainstream music. don't let society tell you what to like. REBEL god damn it. why the fuckk is society telling you to smack bitches and pimp hoes and sell drugs and kill people??
and then the "REBELS" all say......
"""its a conspiracy!! ACTIVATE. bring down the goverment.!! anarchy!!! burn everything you seeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"""""
The radio is the DEVIL.. Hot Topic is the DEVIL..
DONT BUY ANYTHING make all your clothing out of paper. and listen to your own music using pots and pans
rebel against society mwhahahahahahhaa""""
and the people rebelling against society are telling you what to do ALSO!!!
IDIOTS!!!
i think, you should all just think for yourselves and thats it. self realization. Like what you like for whatever reasons you like it.
im not telling you what to do.. its just my opinion <3 |
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| this is not....... |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|02:12 pm] |
ok........ im ranting... here goes.
those of you who say you "know" me think twice. just because you can point me out in a crowd, or know some basic things about me, does not mean you know who i am. the things you see, the things you observe, thats "what" i am. thats what you percieve from your vision. ok,
to most of you, i am jaws, from the club, or im jaws from myspace
you may have read my info on my myspace profile. but that does not mean that you know who i am. sure, my myspace provides, my age, location, hobbies, music choices, and a little about me section.
thats all it is. thats about me. what you see on my myspace is just a breif summary into the world of jaws. there is so much more to me, than the fuckking green text you read on this site. you all see me, you observe, you make your assumptions, you think you know me. you are so far gone.
i try to be as fuckking straight to the point on my profile, so you can see how i think. those are things about me, and things i like. that doesnt make WHO i am.
if i was to type in who i am into this profile, first off it would take fuckking months, and myspace would need a new fuckking server to keep track of all this shit.
you cannot judge a person, or think that you know who they are by reading a few paragraphs on a website.
to tell the truth, i dont know who i am anymore. i look in the mirror, i see what ive become and im disapointed. who i used to be, i used to be innocent. i used to be alone, and i fuckking liked it that way.
nobody knew who jaws was. all the years you've been going to the club, so have i. but i didnt go to the club to hang with friends, the club, to me, isnt a social party. to me the club was my escape.
i went to the club. i didnt go with friends. i took the train by myself. i went in by myself and left by myself. i sat in the corner and listened to the music.
and thats all i ever wanted. to sit there in the dark, listen to music and escape my shithole life that i had outside of nocturne.
but you fuckking people....
you fuckks, have brought me into the limelight, make a fuckking spectacle of me. now im fuckking mr. popularity.
i never asked for this. i was happy by myself. i was content. i was satisfyed with being alone. now, i cant go to the club and listen to music, i can sit in a corner and just be alone.
NO.. i cant do that, because i have to say hi to EVERYBODY, everybody that doesnt know me.
and why am am i popular now? why do so many people know who i am?
because of the way i look.
and thats it
im not even nice to you fuckking people.
you dont even know me, why do you like me? im not a great person, id rather be alone, im nothing to gawk at, im not what you all make me out to be. im just fuckking jaws. and i just fuckking like music. and i just like to fuckking dance. .
ok if i wanted to go hang out with a bunch of people surrounding me, id go to the god damned MALL.....
the club.... i go there for music, and dancing. nothing more, nothing less.
ok i dont nessesarily like the extra attention that i get. i wish i could go to the club, walk in , go dance, but i cant do that. cuz i have to hug and "high five" a million fuckking people before i can take my jacket off.
im not a god damned celebrity. i dont want to be your idol. if you knew who i am, i wouldnt be your idol..... k im a peice of shit.
look at your fuckking god now.
im just some fuckking kid with hairspray, makeup, and peircings, and you all lift me up on your shoulders because i fuckking LOOK COOL.
i dont dress the way i do, to look cool. i just dress this way because i just fuckking do.
ok i saw a kid at shampoo last week, he was in the 80's room. wearing girls jeans, chucks, and the tighest shirt he could find at the fuckking salvation army.
the point is..... i saw the SAME KID the next week, in the goth room, wearing fuckking vinyl pants, platform boots, black lipstick, eyeliner, and a fishnet shirt..
ok i dont get dressed up to go to the club, i just get dressed. this is me every fuckking day of the week.
i met someone like 2 weeks ago, and we hung out outside of the club, and this person wanted to get to know me. they wanted to know MORE than whats on my myspace profile. i have not met a single person yet, who has asked me anything personal. or even gave a fuckk to find out what im like. ok we talked for fuckking 6 hours straight. 6 fuckking hours.
and this person listened to every single word i had to say. and it was a really big relief that someone actually gave a fuckk. and this person gave me hope for the human race.
i have ex-girlfriends, who dont even know my middle name. and im willing to bet half the kids at the club dont even know my FIRST name. they just know me as jaws. and they consider me a friend?????
how could i possibly be your friend if you dont even know my name????
i am sick of people and theyre false friendships, and people who talk shit, but then smile right in your face. and im sick of people idolizing me, when they have no reason to. and if there WAS a reason to idolize me, you wouldnt know the reason because you dont take the time, nor do you give two fuckks to find out who i am.
keep it that way. im just jaws from the club
and you're just whoever from the club.
everything is so impersonal lately.
a part of me wants to rip the flesh off my face, and start over new. i wont have a face, you wont recognize me, ill go back to the corner and listen to music. and ill be happy again.
no more false illusions, no more lies, no more bullshit, no more drama,
i did not ask for this. i wanted no one to know my name. i wanted to be a shadow, i went to the club to escape everyone, now i find myself with more people to escape.
noise is the only friend i require.
i just want to fuckking dissapear. you'll never see me again, youll just hear my music. and you dont have to like it either.
!~MyParasites
and to YOU!!!!!!! hahah i find it amazingly funny that after all this time time of neglect, and no affection,, SUDDENLY now that i have a girlfriend, NOWWW your showing interest in me...... well thats sooo toooo fuckking bad becuase you only want what you cant have. and you sure as hell cant have me back <4444
fuckface!!
i think i just might have completely stopped giving a fuckk about you.
and i dont care. its all about money, power, respect.
mother fuckker!
i dont care how selfish i am being. i want to make myself happy, none of you are helping me be happy, your all just dragging me down with you
and i dont care
im going to take care of MYSELF for a change.
cuz in reality
I COME FIRST
how about i take my OWN emotions into consideration for a change? maybe ill just find some sort of pleasure,
maybe ill just find a way to co-exist with this fuckking diabolical world.
maybe..... just maybe....
maybe youll understand
maybe ill just fuckking ROT |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|04:21 am] |
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first off, here's some pictures of me chasing ducks, and stealing cows....
Me , Dj X-Faze, and casper the cow
ok well im scared to death, cuz i think i have the chance to have everything i want in a relationship. and i'm afraid to take it. 3 months ago, i would have jumped at this chance. but im so scared and cautious now. i don't want to get excited, and then get let down again, and/or have my heart broken again.
i guess i dont NEED to make a decision right now. but at the same time i dont want to let the oppertunity pass me by. so this really is a big decision. im really hesitant about it because last time, it didnt work out.
it never works out, and no matter how many girls say im hot or want to fuckk me, its just rediculous and im destined to be alone. and im also being torn in different directions.  i'm not sure where to go from here
part of me wants to tell her to fuckk off. but im too forgiving
how do i get myself into these situations?
For those who believe, no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|03:46 am] |
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i gots my rachel back <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|11:39 pm] |
i cant fuckking compete.
look hat the fuckk im up against.. how could i possibly fuckking get what i want.
grrrrrrrrrr....
fuckk |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|07:59 pm] |
i dont want to be your just in case boy.
i dont want to be another. |
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| Home...... |
[Oct. 8th, 2005|02:10 am] |
i moved to bethlehem.......
im kinda far from philly, but ill still be able to go to nocturne and fusion..
ill go to nocturne, and stay in philly untill fusion on fridays... then come back to bethlehem.
ray took me in and hes helpin me out. everyone in this house is awesome. i feel like i have the family that i never had.
things are looking up. finally....
not to mention we've got music equipment here. and i can see glitch everyday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|11:07 am] |
well me and key are gettin ready to go over to the hair salon and get our hair did. cuz were cool like that. i woke up today smiling like crazy. i dont know why. maybe because i've been getting alot of sex lately. and not only that me and key have been getting alot really well and shit too. so i dont know. things are going really good. im still homeless, without a job and oew over $300 in debt. but yeah im still hangin in there
E-craft is this friday at emerald city. and i'll be at nocturne tonight.
im going home with glitch and twitch tonight and staying there untill friday :) it's gonna be tons of fun <3 keegan has candy w0oe0eo0eo0eo |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|06:43 pm] |
people need to cheer the fuckk up. things could be alot worse.... you could be me.
you wish |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|08:26 pm] |
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He envies the shit outta you..  he felt and probably still feels like nothing to you guys, both you and rocco. i had like 3 major talks with him having to do with his envy for other's and always trying to be those people. he's doing it because he wants so bad to be what you are because he admires that so much. i tried to tell him alot of times just how special he was himself, and that he had many many things other people would love to have/be but that it was for him and him only. and that he had to stop poking into someone else's life as though it was something he was to be and start shining through his own.. everytime i would tell him that he would totatlly shift himself onto that mind frame. and everytime his habit of envy went back to how he is right now. i donno if you know how much he does actually look up to you :- and he doesn't really know how to tell you that.. its just in force of habit he's being what your calling "a backstabber".. and he wont break that habit unless he tries harder. from what i know anyways.
he just needs to find his own path and to stop trying to be what he's not, and i've told him that. and he agreed. but he has no idea how to even try that cause he doesn't know any different from the length of time he's been doing things this way
that was put into words from someone elses point of view...... from my perspective, i agree he envys me, and i can't help but NOT like it. i am the way i am. NOT because i saw someone else and copyed them. i'm the way i am because thats just how i am. i didnt CHOOSE to be the way i am. You have copyed me, stolen my ideas, and taken things from me...... and i'm just about to snap. if you even ATTEMPT to take the one thing i love the most i will be forced to litterally break your neck.
You are a fake. and i dont know who you truely are. how could i possibly be your friend if you pretend to be something your not? i dont know a damned thing about you. i trust you, against my own advice.
if you don't stop it, you will lose our "friendship" AND/or a few of your teeth.
THIS is my other half. NOT YOU
and thank you SO much for the shitty situation you put me in tonight. if your supposed to be my friend start acting more like it, and less like me. |
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| i was miserable last night, and im miserable today |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|07:03 pm] |
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im miserable.
ive never had a club experiance like i did tonight... i fuckking.....cryed
while dancing.... ive never danced like that either. basicaly beating the shit out of whatever was in front of me. it was alot of emotion coming out through my dancing. so if you saw me dancing and thought i was having a good time..... i wasnt. at all. i can count the number of people who have seen me cry on one hand. nobody sees me cry. but tonight , the whole club saw. although my hair was all in my face and i was dancing so i dont know how many people noticed.
on a better note........
there is no better note.
although there were a few people there who really did make me feel better with the hugs. and kind words.
in case anyone hasnt figured it out, me and key broke up by the way. and dont ask me why because its not any of anyone elses buisness. but i will tell you this..... i didnt do shit wrong
i still care for her, and i wont stop caring for her.
and an apology to all those who hand me advice and tell me to drop her and forget her and not think about it......... because i cant not think about it, i cant drop her, and i certainly cant forget her.
so yes im fuckking SINGLE. and i will DELETE EVERYONE who leaves me comments askin to hook up, because at this point in time. im not looking for ANYTHING.
AND STOP TELLING ME IM HOT. i fuckking know im "hot" what the fuckk is hot anyway? im attractive? u think i look good? im sick of girls looking at me and not wanting to ANYTHING ELSE about me other than the fact that im "hot" ive got alot more going on than my fuckking LOOKS. and maybe if you talk to me about something other than the fact that im hot, maybe we could have a decent conversation.
dont expect to see a "girlfriend application" on my blog for a LONG time.
and i dont need to go out and have sex. because i jerked off tonight, and i feel like i cheated on the girlfriend i DONT have. so itd be impossible to have sex, unless it was with her.
long story short - life sucks, i have no job, no money, no place to live, no girlfriend, and no CIGARETTES.
but i do have music.
btw two new remixes from MyParasites
gangstas parasites - coolio
and this is my rifle - combichrist
go check em out.
and shoot me in the fuckking HEAD
yeah.... |
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| im begging you |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|03:16 am] |
ok im listening to agonoize - "chains of love" PERFECT SONG TO DESCRIBE MY LIFE
once again. sweet denial please take your role.
say it aint so.
please for the love of GOD say its not so.
fuckk. even denial cant save me now. its fuckking gone. im lost im alone ive got nothing. whatever is holding back these tears right now, is some kind of fuckking miracle.
this reallly fuckking hurts. i dont know what to do.
i know exactly what to do. my denial will do me this one last favor as i recover. its about time i lie for a change.
"LOVE BREEDS SUICIDE" - suicide commando |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|06:20 pm] |
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yeah. i need a bit more affection in my relationship. i few kisses here and there would be nice. im lucky if i get a peck on the cheek. idk maybe shes getting bored of me :( |
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| so recently..... |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|04:26 pm] |
things have sucked. but im trying to get shit back on track. id really rather not depend on people so much. but i kind of have to. and it sucks because alot of the times, the people i depend on cant help me. like my own mother for instance. i wont even get into that bullshit. long story short, i lose my job, mom kicks me out. when i most need her. fuckking bullshit. but fuckk it. theres so much to do and SOO little time to do it in. and while i could be out doing these things, im stuck in NJ waiting. im going to have to talk to a few people in the city because thank god for septa! public transportation has never let me down. i cant stay in jersey much longer. nowhere to go really, and no way out basically. i had to get katie to come meet me at colonial diner and pick me up the other day cuz key still wasnt back. and just knowing that i am in jersey kind of bothers me. i just dont like this area lol. its odd.
but yeah someone save me |
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| it only happens in movies |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|07:29 am] |
and so i begin to see the doubt. things are most likey not going to go the way i hoped for. it makes me feel like shit. i should have investigated more instead of taking another leap of faith. but i rushed into yet another relationship. and she doesnt want the same things as i do. she doesnt want to fall in love, she doesnt see it hapening, and she doesnt believe in love. they why be my girlfriend? in my opinion, the reason for getting into a relationship is to further your feeling for them and shit.
im just too fuckking obsessed with the idea of love. its all made out to be so perfect. and im not going to have that. im never going to fall in love. because i dont have anyone who could possibly ever fall in love with me. and if i fall in love with her regardless, its going to tear me apart.
maybe i should just shut myself the fuckk up. DEAL with the fact that she'll never love me, deal with other guys seeing her naked, deal with the pain she gives me. i should just fuckking deal with it. because ive come to realize that i dont deserve better. im lucky i have her, despite everything i feel. im lucky. and why should i give a fuckk about love?! what the fuckk has love ever done for me? lmao not a damned thing. love just brings more pain to me. and when im not in love its still paiinfull.
so maybe shes right. fuckk the whole idea about love, right? either way, love hurts, and the more i continue to chase this rediculus dream of falling in love, the more pain ill encounter.
fuckk the movies, its all bullshit. i wish i could be in a movie where all that shit was real. i wish i could write my own fuckking script and live my life that way. but ya know what? its not meant to be for me.
i always thought that no matter what went wrong in my life, id always have a girlfriend to fall back on. someone to always love me. well what the fuckk do you have when your own girlfriend is incapable of loving you? nothing, because i dont deserve love. thats why.
so the sooner i ignore my feelings, the sooner it will go away.
i dont love her
i dont love her
i dont love her
i dont love her
i dont love her
i dont love her
i dont love her
because she wont love me |
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| My Revenge on the World |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|09:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  predatory | ] |
im going to start off with an apology..... im sorry im a surface person. im a "surface" person. which means, i take things the way i see them and dont ask questions. to be completely honest, i rarely listen to people when they talk to me. i try to avoid conversation most of the time. its really not a good thing now that i think about it, theres a few people at the clubs that i see EVERY week, and i talk to them every week. and i dont know their names. its really a shame. i don't take much time to actually get to know anyone, i don't like to get close to people. and i consider verey few people my "friends" id rather call them "aquantinces" maybe i just dont care, i live in my own little world, and not alot of people are alowwed inside my world. thats why everytime you see me i usually have my headphones on, not only for the music, but also to avoid as much conversation as possible. im not sure exactly why i do this.
so then i ask myself.... why do people like me? they dont know me, and i dont know them. they just assume that im some cool person cuz im into music and i go to the clubs alot and im in a band. but to tell the truth..... i think im just an asshole. so basically the only way to get me to talk to you, is either when im on XTC, or on myspace or AIM... and i dont talk to many people on AIM... so yeah ill try harder to listen to what you say.
now for the pissed off me.....
once again, like many times before, id like to point out how fuckking hard i work at things.... only for them to be stripped from me.
i try hard, to be who i am, to do things the way i like them to be done. to have some type of uniqueness about me, so that i dont get caught up in the trends, and be labeled as everyone else is. and when i do this, i just start a new trend. and people copy me, and they want to be more like i am...
maybe they figure it will give THEM some sort of individuality. but it doesn't. they'll look at you and be like.... "looks like jaws" or "doesnt jaws do that?"
and yeah it bothers the hell out of me. no its not flattering, id rather people be themselves, as opposed to being like ME
ONE green contact, thats ME....... cut in one eyebrow, 2 cuts in the other?
thats me. eyeliner going thru the cut in my eyebrow? also me.
not YOU.
and its not only the appearence, that bothers me. its my whole concept that people take away and try to make their own.
you can tell people you are a certain way to get them to like you more, but in the end, you AREN'T that person. your a liar hiding behind a false impression that you give to people.
you are not confused. you know what you want. you tell people you are confused to gain some sort of pity from them. and they feel bad for you. but YOU are getting exactly what you want and you know it.
how do i know this? because i was the same way a few years ago. before i grew up and stopped playing games. i used to hook up with multiple girls, i thought it was cool. and i admit, it made me feel better about myself....
but i grew up and realized things and i stopped all that. the question is, when are YOU going to stop? or are you? you like it this way. dont you?
and another thing. do NOT envy me. i may have things you wish you had and i might be just a better person than you are. but dont envy me. if you want to be a better person, do it. and dont do it by trying to be more like me. you can accomplish bettering yourself by being more like YOURSELF.
and id also like to point out that i know what you're doing, i know what you're up to, and i will demolish you. its hard for me to trust people and i trusted you, and that trust has been broken, and so your bones will also be.
so stop trying to be like me. if you look around you'll realize that most of my close friends have nothing in common with me. they're different than me and thats what i like about them, they are true to THEMSELVES, and they dont try to impress others, and they have their OWN individuality. and thats what i look for in a friend. NOT another fuckked up wanna-be look-alike offspring of ME.
also, i think people are fuckking shady as fuckk. expecially the corporate SCUM. fuckking bastards keeping me in the dark. you NEED me. but only till you find someone better. i should have seen this coming. just waiting untill you hire some new people to serve as my replacement. but guess what mother fuckkers. union local 7769. yeah im union and i will fight you fuckks... i know what you're thinking, i know what you're up to. and its sadning. i can see it coming, your going to bring in new people. john and butch and vanessa are gone. and i got some new thickheaded manager that doesnt know shit. so hes going to eventually fire EVERYONE including myself... so im going to start a bunch of shit. I WILL RAISE HELL.
off the subject, but i know alot of people, and i will find out who took my bag at nocturne, its just a matter of time. and whether i get my shit back or not, you are going to pay for it. dearly.
all of you will pay for your wrong doings, every little thing you've ever done, down to the biggest heartbreak, to the smallest little white lie youve told me. i've had enough. and ill be damned before i let another person walk all over me and take advantage of my kindess.
theres going to be a big change. ill start a fuckking WAR if i have to. do not cross my path wrongly. because i swear it will be the last time u ever do. and im not trying to act tough or anything, because im not tough, im a scrawny fuckk. but at this point, my size and ability wont stop me from ruining your life. i try not to let adreneline and hatred to overcome me.
reason i dont drink.
VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE. |
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myparasites's journal