im miserable.

ive never had a club experiance like i did tonight... i fuckking.....cryed

while dancing.... ive never danced like that either. basicaly beating the shit out of whatever was in front of me. it was alot of emotion coming out through my dancing. so if you saw me dancing and thought i was having a good time..... i wasnt. at all.  i can count the number of people who have seen me cry on one hand.  nobody sees me cry.   but tonight , the whole club saw.  although my hair was all in my face and i was dancing so i dont know how many people noticed.

on a better note........

there is no better note.

although there were a few people there who really did make me feel better with the hugs. and kind words.

in case anyone hasnt figured it out, me and key broke up by the way. and dont ask me why because its not any of anyone elses buisness. but i will tell you this..... i didnt do shit wrong

i still care for her, and i wont stop caring for her.

and an apology to all those who hand me advice and tell me to drop her and forget her and not think about it.........  because i cant not think about it, i cant drop her, and i certainly cant forget her.

so yes im fuckking SINGLE. and i will DELETE EVERYONE who leaves me comments askin to hook up, because at this point in time. im not looking for ANYTHING.

AND STOP TELLING ME IM HOT. i fuckking know im "hot"    what the fuckk is hot anyway? im attractive? u think i look good?     im sick of girls looking at me and not wanting to ANYTHING ELSE about me other than the fact that im "hot"      ive got alot more going on than my fuckking LOOKS.   and maybe if you talk to me about something other than the fact that im hot, maybe we could have a decent conversation.

dont expect to see a "girlfriend application" on my blog for a LONG time.

and i dont need to go out and have sex.   because i jerked off tonight, and i feel like i cheated on the girlfriend i DONT have. so itd be impossible to have sex, unless it was with her.

long story short - life sucks, i have no job, no money, no place to live, no girlfriend, and no CIGARETTES.

but i do have music.

btw two new remixes from MyParasites

gangstas parasites - coolio 

and this is my rifle - combichrist

go check em out.

and shoot me in the fuckking HEAD

yeah....