Self Realization [true story]
A boy, slowly perishing.. decaying, a stray from the rest of society
He lies in an empty room with falling walls and peeling ceilings.
unable to move, constricted by constraining cables, invisible buckles, chains,
and straightened straps. ALL of which are known as denial.
A boy, unable to move, or just unwilling to?

The boy shuts his eyes, yet again, all is dark.
not much different with his eyes open either...
there is nothing in this boys room, nothing to be felt, tasted,
smelled or seen, just noizes.
Noizes, plain and sumple, yet so complicating if put into the wrong/right hands.

"Noize has consumed me", the boy whispers....

These sounds, there noizes, come together in a fusion, only in a fashion suitable to the boy
and no one else. this room is empty. this noize is just for me
The sounds accumulate, new noizes, are created, and born into life through the boys emotion
These noizes become song.. this song becomes music

Emotion fuels these evergoing sounds, the melody matches his mood, the basskick,
matching his heartbeat, heavy, steady, and skips every 8th measure...
a sound assigned to each and every part of him. this song created, it equals
all the nothing that everyone wants to know....
this song is his life.

then suddenly the song disapears, all the effort, and pain induced into this life song...
is gone.



All is silent...
his ears rapidly begin to bleed.
his eyes open.

directly above the boy is a reflection in the ceiling.. just a distorted glimpse of himself
this image the boy sees is smashing towards him, yet it is held back by an unbreakable barrier
This image, is carnage..

the boy forces his eyes shut, denying what he's just seen, and trys to find his song,
still hearing the carnage rampage. the carnage slowly gets closer to the boy with every sound it makes.
Fighting to hear his OWN noizes and sounds, the boy trys to drain out the sound of the distraction

the boy peeks his eye open again.
only to see the creature getting closer to him. and the more recognizable the carnage was.
the boy realizes, it is just a reflection, only this version..., this carnage has been distorted by love.

"how could something as great as love, breed such a monster?", the boy wonders

the creature shreiks out a noize, most unheavenly and bloodcurdling. never before heard by any human.

The boy squeezes his eye shut again, and forces his song to continue,
now using this unheavenly shreik as his own noize.
The music comes together
scratchy sounds, noizes distorted, the beats match up, the tempo rises, as does the boys pulse
the bass is louder than ever, his ears begin to bleed more.
and that VOICE now completeing the song



I Open my eyes, and the carnage and I are face to face. my carnage stares into my eyes.
and i stare into his, one a flourescent green, the other, a pale grey, with one last attempt, the carnage
smashes its fist towards me, but still not breaking this barrier.
the carnage stops, unbawls its fists, and it hears my song.
croutched over me, it doesnt move... just listens.
our eyes glare into eachothers, i fight to keep my eyes open and show him my song.


a tear struggles out of the carnages eye.
trickles down its nose.

i see love in this carnage.
and to my suprise, my OWN eyes are the ones which are filled with hatred.

the tear drips down the carnage's face, and falls towards me.

slowly passing through the air, shattering the barrier. and the carnage cried for me.
it's tear dripped into my eye...

after the barrier was broken, i reached up, and grasped the carnage by the throat.
i strangled the carnage. i killed it.

those fuckking tears. for me? the pure image of love distorted, . i fuckking killed it.
for love is rarely obtained. and when it is it should never be distorted.
and as i choked the last breath from the carnages body,
thats when i realized

i am my own parasite




i still dont know HOW the carnage heard my noize,
but i made it cry.
if only i could show the world my noize.
if only you could plug into my veins and press record....